LJ Idol Presents:

I'd really like to stop writing these.

Please stop making me.

I found out this morning that Kate, kathrynrose  had left us.  I then had to go to a family event,  and other people had to contact family members first, so I was asked to hold off from posting anything until they did. 

I'm glad I was told that. Because this morning I have no idea what I would say. 

Now I still don't have any idea, but I'm going to say it anyway!

She would have known what to say, and had a strong opinion about it.

I'm not going to say anything that I didn't say to her - she was one of the biggest pains in my ass that ever came through the halls of Idol.  When she thought she was right, she would just hammer at the point long after the issue was done. :) 

Because she was a fighter. She'd been fighting all of her life and she wasn't going to change for anything or anyone. 

She was one of the people who left Livejournal and didn't play in Idol because of the servers being in Russia.  Then when we came to DW for this mini season she wouldn't play because she didn't think that people should receive any money for winning - that an icon was good enough.  (and this was someone who in the last few seasons she played in would have either received the Final Four purse or at least had a good shot at it) 

But she felt strongly about it. 

She came into Idol at the end of Season 3 as a voter.  She signed up to play Season 4.  I actually pulled up the spreadsheet to look - she came in for Seasons 4 and 5, then got irritated and wandered off, only to come back for Season 8 and every single season and mini season after that.  Some of her best friends came from Season 8, and from Idol..  It has been called, by her and others that I have talked to - "her lifeline" over the last few years.   I only wish that she had been able to allow herself to come play it. 

I checked my email to find out what our last conversation had been - and at first I thought it was the one where she sent in her Gatekeeper votes and thanked me for including her. 

One thing that I learned over the years was *why* she had been such a pain in the ass in those early seasons. I learned more about her life and I learned just how deeply she came to love Idol, and everyone involved.  If she didn't deeply love it, she would never would have said anything - but she did. 

In fact, those were her last words to me.   She was checking in after my post about tinhuviel's death.  She wanted to make sure I was OK. 

"Hugs. I’m here. I love you. I’m sorry about your friend. 

Words suck sometimes but the love is good and beaming at you." 


We have lost a dear friend - and a proud pain in the ass (who loved getting under my skin at times. :D But who loved Idol , and the people involved with it, more. )

She was right - words suck at times.  But I hope she knew the love that was beaming back at her...  and at all of you as well. 

The last thing I got to say to her was "I love you too".  


I couldn't ask for a better final conversation. I just wish I had a shot at many, many more.   I would love to argue with her about some petty shit right now.  :(  It's a trade I'd gladly make. 



Remember to let the people you care about KNOW how you feel.  Invest the time and energy in those things, and people, who are your emotional lifelines - and always treat conversations like they could be the last ones you ever have.  Because as you get older, they very well might be.